(My parents make me feel dumb.). Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. Parents think that emphasising the importance of academics will motivate their children to work hard. I was pushed into gifted programs in school. Question: I think my parents wanted a perfect child instead they got me. Anyone else would give up and leave, or at least up to this point everyone has but her. My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. That was embarrassing to me as what could I have done ?! Like there was really no real reason to do anything. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. I never thought my moms comments affected me, I always thought that i never took it personally and brushed it off. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. My uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, etc Where raised. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. Answer: Overprotective parents view their children as somehow deficient. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. Instead of pointing out their flaws, help them develop their positive characteristics. Instead, parents should encourage their children to develop a sense of independence and respect their authority at the same time. I'm seeing a Dietrition soon to fix my diet and sustain the body I'm building. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. DON'T LISTEN to SMALL MINDED people! They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. After all this was a reflection on him as a male ! (i'm the eldest) i also remember trying to open up to my mother but that didn't end well either. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. No I don't! Kids reveal their parents care more about academic achievement than kindness . Published: Jan. 18, 2023, 4: . My parents do all of this to me very intensely and almost abusively. 10 checks for me and now I felt really empty. I started before noon and it was dark when I had to stop. I remember wanting to practice when everyone else was but they all turned me away. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Having said that this type of upbringing not only affected on me but on my siblings as well, it resulted in us constantly questioning our own capability. Parents who value achievement over kindness can have a negative impact on kids' development, study finds. Then she launched into a story about one father who recently planted himself in her classroom during one of her lesson planning periods to complain about his son's mediocre grades. Sleep Deprivation, Behavior, And Academic Performance, I Caught my Child Smoking Marijuana (Pot) Again, Caring For Elderly Parents At Home: How To Cope. Truth be told, I'm moderately smart but exceptionally creative and talented. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. Adults are just perverts to kids. How can I help her get out of this situation, and leave her parents for good? I know how bad it hurt when they did it to me. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. And i often doubt whether my parents really love me. Her love and support balance out the suffocating negativity coming from my father & help me believe in myself . I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. Now, it has gotten to a point where her own mother is reading the messages on her phone, which is a HUGE no-no for all parents. If your parents are not receptive to counselling, go by yourself. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. Demeaning and comparison by parents is so much that most of the kids starts doing what others are doing rather then choosing their own profession. No one to turn to. My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. Imagine a league of kids with low self confidence. i know i do things wrong.but my self esteem is destroyes. Plan to move up to the front row, keep an organized assignment pad, find a quiet place to work, do your best, and your grades will go up, guaranteed. Don't praise them for every little thing they do right, but develop a pattern of praise based on their accomplishments. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! now i have reason to believe that my parents are horrible. This all rings so true. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! I think it is important to consider that oftentimes parents were not ideally parented themselves and deserve some empathy and understanding too. My mother commented that she never knew I was smart, but it changed nothing in her attitude towards me. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. Please seek psychological help. . "Actually, it's the parents," she confessed with a wince. Question: Do overprotective parents bring honesty or a lack of confidence in their children? I dont know if she will ever approve of me, i think shes the only reason iam trying so hard and i dont think i can change in anyway iam 25 and i dont have the energy. You and your mother need joint counseling. It's a lot. They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. Siblings treat me the same. You call in the help phoned sometimes, but they are often kids or inexperienced I don't know I'm not passing judgment but we never click, I just end up getting disconnected. Instead they were far too often sordid and filled with a sort of silent emotional fury. Everything I wear, the way I look (hereditary), my choice of friends, my interests and hobbies are just wrong according to her and deserving of condemnation. its just too much, i cant go on living like this and i get frequent suicidal thoughts. kindergarten girlfriends. My mom he found in Mazatlan Mex and brought her here.) My mom didn't make the same mistakes as my grandma so the cycle didn't continue. One day, you'll understand. When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? anything I did wrong, i was ordered to strip naked and get beaten by the belt. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. Again, parents need to check their egos and loosen up a bit. Your father is making you dependent as an exercise of his power. Question: I feel like my parents do not trust me. I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). My mother was did all of this, and molested me. I went to university despite her and worked in the IT sector. "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" Probably because for my public school career I was bullied. Your performance in school is measured in an identifiable way (your grades) and see what needs to be improved or what you are strong at. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. He must have picked up on the feeling that I didn't belong. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Those who are constantly compared to others have a diminished sense of individuality and ultimately come to believe that they are worthless. Then they learned the truth. Grew up thinking they were the best due to their work successes. Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you. You contact their professors, because you didn't like a grade/want to ask for clarification on an assignment/want to ask for an absence to be excused/want to ask for an extension on an assignment due date. I never had much mentors in my life, my parents weren't much of the type to look up to. they make me work for all the free time that i have then get mad when i stay up at night because it's the only time i have to actually relax. Not to even mention my life outside work. Answer: In families where there are 2 children or more, parents compare children. Correction and discipline are meant to improve and enhance a child's sense of self and help a child become self-disciplined, self-motivated, and self-determined. By Erin Clements. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I thought they were going to kill me. There are parents who believe that they know what is best for their children. Say so. No it wasn't 0, it was worth 1/2pt! On the other hand, children who saw their parents as putting more emphasis on achievements over being kind to others were more likely to experience negative outcomes, such as depression, anxiety, lower self-esteem, behavior problems, criticism from parents, learning problemsand lower grades. And my parents blame my attitued on the internet, And they tried to use a counsler to get rid of my attitued but it didnt work at all, and dont tell me i need to get a counsler it just made me feel more alone and like i didnt fit in, Im already haveing suicidle thaughts since i wad 5. Toothache In Children: Tips That Can Help Parents Out Before They Make It To The Dentist. Why the hell would I ever want to do this to someone else, over two decades later it can still make me sick to my stomach recalling what she did to me. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. Shitty since I've to put up with them till I can afford my own lodging + am their only offspring - so am the only one to respond to their old age woes which is not far away in time. "He just kept saying over and over: 'In our family, that's not acceptable.' I didn't know what to say to him. It was how my mom and dad were raised. But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. And with the rules I don't mind following the rules no matter how stupid I think they are but they NEVER let me ask why. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. My mom didn't even practice with me. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. We want to hear from you! I am passive, I think everyone else has more power. It's also about enjoying the process. There are either low cost or free counselling services. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 08, 2018: Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 04, 2018: Get counselling or talk to a trusted relative outside of your immediate family. My goodness. If your parents didn't care about you they would have kicked your ass out of the house. This results in a child's poor self image. Meantime, I performed exceptionally at primary school, but my mother said it was only because I had dumb kids in my year. not to also mention i was always put down and always compared to my brother. So she never gave it to me. head wounds ! i felt i wasn't loved and when i said that i was beaten for it. I cant wait until I get to leave but Ive still got to wait another 5 years. Its the only thing that excites me or gives me drive. Poor city, doctors flee from here. Such as overspending? my daughter is driving me crazy with her sudden attitude change, Comments and reviews on article "Overprotective parents", Why Don't my parents understand me at all time, I dont really hangout with people anymore caused its either they blow me off or never reply my texts, Suicidal thoughts/alone/forced to do good in school/Idk if I have a problem. I know my parents love me and they are trying to provide me with the best life they can but they are so controlling. Answer: Your mother wants the best for you. After that, I would be placed in the closet for who knows how long. But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. I hope Killing Myself would be better than living in meaningless life. Also suggest that she speaks to a psychologist, clergyperson, or counselor. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. They are toxic, even evil. I'm now 62. Discuss the matter with an impartial relative, counselor, or a teacher. I am stuck, I am frustrated. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. They care about your grades because they want a good future for you. Tore Down , I Love You All Because You Feel My Pain ..(God Bless You All ). If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. These people are firm believers that their offspring should be carbon copies of them with similar characteristics, interests, and goals. I'm not saying it isn't tradgid, I'm asking how you can be surprised. There are individuals who aspire to uncommon goals and unique careers. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! But for some reason my parents are the only ones not proud of her. Hard to tell what could be helpful so far. He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. Every time I expressed an opinion I was ridiculed by the whole family. Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. This man & his family are toxic. Please get help. But obviously, they think I am. A family counselling session is needed. Teach your child that no one is flawless and that everyone makes mistakes. Raising A 'Teenager From Hell'? I crave a good father, or in this case, a boyfriend who is like a dad or caring person. I have never even had a girlfriend not that I'm ugly but timid I lack social skills to approach a lady. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. All my mom has ever done is try to help. Like the indent of my life on the footprint on the earth.. I'm unfortunately still with my family. Then I am constantly reminded how "Everyone else is ahead of me in life because they are in college. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" I know school can be difficult and you will mess up quite a few times. Answer: Your family situation is toxic. that saounds toxic. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. But I runs in the family I guess. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. Disassociate from such toxic parents. I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. Guest Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. WOW!! I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. Im sick and tired. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. I have big concern for a friend. somebody on the internet on July 04, 2018: I'm glad I'm not the only person who's going through this. my mom does all this to me. and it lowers my self-esteem. When my grandma passed away in 2011, I felt no emotional connection or sorrow because she was never in my life and acted like she never wanted to. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. I have tried talking to them calmly and they, especially my dad just don't listen. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. What do I care? Both my parents preferred me to work in any job, while I desperately tried to work out how to go beyond that; nobody in our extended family has a degree. They insist that it is safest to conform to the prevailing philosophy and strongly discourage their children's individualism and nonconformity because they think that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they will be considered oddballs or worse, be ostracized and left alone, or the parents themselves will be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. Real Example: We got our grades of the Chemistry exam today, i read the question wrong, i read Beta Particles instead of Alpha Particles, but i answered the question right if it was talking about Beta Particles so basically i answered it right, in a way. How can I explain them that we are modern teenagers that want to have fun! Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. I just want to cry most of the time. I'm lucky to have her. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. but of course.. i got a big X. but it didnt matter to me because i know that im good in that subject. I too had only my dog (& my grandma 4,000 miles away) who loved me.My "dad" was narcissist; and mentally, emotionally, & psychologically abusive.My "mom" was physically anusive to me. I do everything my homework I go to tutoring, I even prepare to exam that is gonna be 4 years later! I am perfectly happy with what I do. If you are old enough, implement ways to move away from your father. So everything mom say IS, WILL BE right. Which is true because my sister is a great person who is becoming a doctor.Which sounds good for parents to brag about. It is best for you to disassociate from him & his family. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 14, 2018: DON'T KILL yourself. The hazing at Scouts, Cadets from other kids, bizarre and inhumane. i dont like the consequecenes. Making mistakes is an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. If anyone actually read this please just tell me what to do. Dear Sick of It, I've had my body taken advantage of multiple times by multiple people. I get a 96 she gets mad at me. I know they care about my education, but they hurt my feelings. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. Question: If you know that your father was from a family of people who homicidally hounded family members to suicide by crushing their self-esteem, is it normal to continue hating such a person until old age? You don't need such people in your life. I don't care really anymore, I have my own drive now. There is no need to take a negative tone when speaking to a child about the mistakes they have made. He exemplifies the immature parent. Question: After not being able to date and having your critical narcissistic mother and kind/go-along father force your career, marrying a violent man, would you say my problems stem from low self-esteem? They just might be unaware of what is going on with you. Felt aweful. They are abusive & toxic. Family consists of people who LOVE & RESPECT each other. I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. Obsessing over a child's grades and making that the determining factor for your happiness as a parent is a bad decision. I'm doing this for me. Not to also mention here that the phrase "they know about everything" including about me. A PROFESSIONAL Voice Actor will reco. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. These parents contend that they own their offspring. "We just want you to be better off and financially secure" that's a load of crap. Often, the comparison does the opposite. A child's GPA is not always an accurate reflection of their innate intellectual capacity.